I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
