if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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