I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
