tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
