So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
