FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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