Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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