It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
