i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
