I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
