The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
