I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
