I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I intend to get homeless drunk
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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