Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
