Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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