I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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