anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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