Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
