He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
