Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
