Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm too high and old for this...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
