we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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