You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
