I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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