It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
