Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
