if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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