I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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