When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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