awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
