If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
