We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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