My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
time to smoke my breakfast
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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