Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
