WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
