I feel like I'm in dance class right now
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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