He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
