So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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