I need help removing her.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
