I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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