Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How does one acquire holy water?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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