I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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