Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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