I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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