and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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