I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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