i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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