dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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