I heard we made out
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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