every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize