I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
