Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
