So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
