Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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