i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize