May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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