all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
