I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
