Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
