woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
