Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
