That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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