Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
