he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
