I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
