don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
