so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
