You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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