Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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