I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am one with the molecules
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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