Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
