oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
