Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
