Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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