Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
babies were throwing up all over the place
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
