If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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