Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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