i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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