This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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