we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
